Muscle memory - the ability to reproduce a particular movement without conscious thought, acquired as a result of frequent repetition of that movement.

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In my last blog, I wrote about change and taking the first steps out of my safe and predictable emotional life. I wrote confidently because I could see the desired changes so clearly. I saw how my perspective has shifted concerning issues I previously thought were unmovable, and I was ready to bravely venture into the unknown. But I hadn’t considered the broad force of muscle memory. I hadn’t considered that although my vision and desires have expanded, I still must wrestle with my controlling nature – my need to stay safe from any impending emotional pain.

So, when something new, beautiful, and kind of amazing strolled into my life, the deafening screech of warning sirens signaled my natural instinct to push away and run. Two months later, I’m safe… but from what exactly? The “new me” barely got one foot out the gate before being snatched back in and gagged. Ugh… I thought that knowledge was all the power I needed to let go of my rules and control. I guess I underestimated both my strength and my brokenness. I love me and all, but sometimes I get on all my nerves! Welp, back to the drawing board.

G.I. Joe said that knowing is half the battle… he lied.