Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her; If you can bounce high, bounce for her too, till she cry “Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover, I must have you!”
—Thomas Parke D’Invilliers (The Great Gatsby)
“I can’t run. If something was chasing me, I would just let it happen.”
Julie C.
“All horses love killing, that’s why they fought in so many wars.” —Ryan George
“If my honesty makes you uncomfortable, switch positions.”
Anonymous
“I’m more of a perennial. People think I’m dead, and then I just show up again next year.” —Sonic commercial
“The past two days have been the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other in a long time… I didn’t much care for it.”
Stuart D.
“I don’t have an ego. Just one more way that I’m perfect.” —Tony Stark
Mama: I had a Subway sandwich with a sauce named after that place y’all like and “gualamacka” or whatever it’s called.
Me: You mean chipotle sauce and guacamole??
“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” —Douglas Adams
“I’ve always kinda had a thing for pointy ears.”
Chanelle T.
“Guilt before we act is called morality.” —(Liberal Arts)
“I don’t know how to do all those algebra problems, but I know all the words to Baby Got Back.”
Rita Q.
“Women who want to be equal with men have no ambition.” —Some wise person
“If you have to try to display God, it probably isn’t Him.”
Chaunte B.
“Rats don’t just carry disease, John, they carry a grudge!” —John Henson
“Everything else in my life is just an obstacle on my way to dinner.”
D. Jurns
“If I ever found out a mouse lived in my home, and he had a small archway in the wall, and he lived in there with small, real furniture, and ventured out nightly to get one olive or a small wedge of cheese. I would stop at nothing to end his life. I would spare no expense.” —Mike F.
“There are multiple things that are wrong with you!! Oh my God!”
Mathew M.
“To be without friends is a serious form of poverty.” —(It Happened on 5th Avenue)
“When people can’t drive, it makes me want to kill them.”
Anonymous
“Time is the best teacher. But, unfortunately, it kills all its students.” —Robin Williams
“If I had three wishes, one would be that you could actually see yourself.”
Jennifer J.
“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.” -Emily Dickinson
“I like my coffee like I like my Reese; hot and black!”
Anonymous
“Hearts are the only things in the universe that work even after they’re broken.”
— (Resident Alien)
“Oh my God, I want you SO much! Sometimes it’s just too much and I think, ‘F*ck her, I don’t need her!’ But then I see you, and it’s back again.”
Antonio M.
“Your attitude is like the aroma of your heart” —(Facing the Giants)
“… that’s the downside of multiple orgasms.”
Anonymous
First they ignore you,
Then they laugh at you,
Then they fight you,
Then you win.
—Mahatma Gandhi
“She punched me in my femur!”
ray j.
“Have you ever woken up on the ground and realized that the pillow you were sleeping on was a dead rat?”
“It’s New York City. I’ve slept… yes, I’ve slept on a rat.”
-(Brittany Runs A Marathon)
“My body feels weird when I don’t talk to you.”
Reese M.
“Good news doesn’t mean life is ‘right,’ and bad news doesn’t mean life is ‘wrong.’
—Bella Grace Magazine
“Death is one of my pet peeves.”
Erica ?
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” — Alice Walker
“Why are you so selfish and terrible?! Be prepared to die alone!”
Anonymous
“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.” —Viktor E. Frankl
“A lot of things are edible if you try hard enough.”
b. jurns
“I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I’m afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I’d take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, you’d forget me.” -Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre)
“His emotions have always been bigger than you, and have mattered more than you. It’s been your entire relationship.”
adekoya
“Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.” —Chuck Norris
“You say the right wrong thing all the time.”
chanelle t.
“Don’t let them see you happy.”
“Who?”
“Other women. If they see you happy, they will try to destroy you.”
—Three Women, novel
“That’s awful! This is awful! You should feel awful!”
Mathew M.
[During a priestly confession] “If punching a policeman is a sin, we might as well pack up and go home.” —(The Banshees of Inisherin)
“I’m 100% honest when it comes to bullsh*t.”
tig
“No one follow us, or I’ll kill myself and then her!” —Tom Cruise (Knight & Day)
“Okay, when people start insulting my cervix, it’s time to go!”
Nikita g.
“This is what came of liking me, rampant idiocy.” —(Get a Life, Chloe Brown)
“You freakin’ gooney b*stard! What is wrong with you?!”
eric G.
“I don’t smoke. I am very anti-smoke! I’m actually a militant anti-smoker. I don’t even let people smoke in my apartment… I should rephrase that; I don’t let men smoke in my apartment. If I have a woman over, she can smoke crack, light a hibachi, have a book burning, I don’t really care. God bless her for showing up!” —Todd (Dr. Katz)
“Generally my thong is fine, but apparently my butt-crack is extra deep today.”
jennifer J
“I will do my best; it is a pity that doing one’s best does not always answer.” —Jane Eyre
“Shut-up, Lusty Lusterson!!!”
adekoya
“Shame is a cruel thing. It should rest on the perpetrators… but they don’t carry it the way the victims do.” —George Takei (They Called Us Enemy)
“No… I can’t talk to you ever again. I have a lot of life left and you and those eyes have the power to ruin it.”
Nikita g.
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough. You don’t need to photograph, paint, or even remember it… it is enough.” —Toni Morrison
“Your Daddy’s not much of a winner.”
Uncle david
“What I like in a good author isn’t what he says, but what he whispers.” —Logan Pearsall Smith
“Dairy is my second favorite ‘D’ on Earth, and I already can’t have the first one!”
anonymous
“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” —Joyce Meyer
“The stronger the foundation of your belief, the more willing you are to have it challenged.”
ken ?
“Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right.” —Unknown
“I want nothing more than to never see that chocolate ball again!”
mathew m.
“I hate the chocolate balls more than I love you.”
“Face it, Poppy; sometimes people go into other people’s mouths and they don’t come out!” —(Trolls)
“I think you are unmatched.”
lauren k.
“Oh dear God, Rosemary had a better baby than me!” —Kitty (That 70’s Show)
“I’ve found the better looking a man is, the more of an idiot they are!”
Cindy ?
“Commitment is staying true to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left.” —Inky Johnson
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” —Bill Watterson
“He wasn’t reckless with his enormous penis.”
c.n.t
“If at any time my company does not please you, you will have only yourself to blame.” —Frank Langello (Dracula)
Text Message:
Stuart: My tombstone will read, “People are the worst.”
Nikita: Mine will read, “Here lies a naive woman who died doing a foolish thing for someone who didn’t deserve or appreciate it.”
Stuart: I just laughed so hard… please don’t die that way.
“What is grief, if not love persevering?” —Vision
Nikita: I had to let him go. So, I thought it’d be a good idea to give him the most perfect day together before I told him.
Jorel: Wow… That should have been his villain origin story!
“When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad, I’m better” —Mae West
“I feel like you’re so good with men… but you’re so bad with romance that every time you’re in a romantic situation, you should just do the opposite of what your first instinct is.”
adekoya
“You—you strange—you almost unearthly thing!—I love as my own flesh.” —Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre)
Text Message:
Antonio M. & nikita
Him: Where’s my video?
Me: Ha! You knew doggone well I wasn’t gonna send you a video!
Him: How did I know. I didn’t know you like to lie. But ok.
Me: Lol! You are not going to guilt me for joking! I don’t lie – pretty sure you know that.
Him: Well, you have now. I didn’t think it was a joke. It’s ok.
Me: Well, I grant you my sincerest apologies for my inappropriate jesting. I hope someday/somehow you will find it in your heart to forgive me! And from this day forward, I vow to never, ever, joke with you again…. Feel better??
Him: We’re done. We just broke up.
Me: <LAUGHING SO HARD>… This is NOT an appropriate reason to break up with me!!
Him: You lied to me… Lmao
Me: I would NEVER lie to you.
Him: I want my video. That’s the only way to make this right. OR WE ARE DONE!
Me: Okay… well… I have thoroughly enjoyed our time together, and I wish you only great things in your future. I hope you have fond memories when you look back and think of me.
Him: I’ll only remember the lies.
“You don’t move on because you’re ready to—you move on because you’ve outgrown who you used to be.” —Carrie Bradshaw
“Okay… confession… I seriously thought you were Puerto Rican.”
A. chang
“She wouldn’t know good sperm if it slapped her in the face!” —Jeff Goldblum (The Switch)
“He walked into work yesterday looking like Godiva Chocolate unwrapped, and smelling like every man wishes he smelled…. I started applying to other jobs!”
Nikita
“If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple ‘Thank you’ is all I need. Not all this, ‘How’d you get in my house!’ business.” —Unknown
“You work so much to have an excuse for not having a love life.”
Cruel co-worker
“You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you, that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.” —Warren Buffett
“I’m gonna jump in Kita’s bag like a circus clown!”
Jorel H.
“It’s funny how we say ‘a bug hit my windshield’ when we are the ones going 70mph. I’ll bet the bug’s family describes it differently.” —Melvin of York
“Die, my dear? Why, that’s the last thing I’ll do!
-Groucho marx
“You look a lot more Asian than I remember” -Ron Driscoll
Japanese Man: Are you half Japanese?
having dinner at bo Loong
Nikita: [shocked] Umm… no.
J.M.: Are you sure?
Nikita: Yes. I’m definitely NOT half Japanese!
J.M.: Maybe you should ask your mom?… Have you asked her??
Nikita: [awed stare]
[Then his very embarrassed wife hurried him away.]
“If your job requires a college degree, you should be able to write-off your student loan payments as a business expense the way CEOs write off their private jets and yachts for their jobs which require neither.” —Melanie D’Arrigo
“I don’t believe in safe words — you’re gonna shut-up and take it!”
anonynous
You who are passing by
I beg you
Do something
Learn a dance step
Something to justify your existence
Something that gives you the right
To be dressed in your skin in your body hair
Learn to walk and laugh
Because it would be too senseless
After all
For so many to have died
While you live
Doing nothing with your life.
—Auschwitz survivor Charlotte Delbo
Text Message:
Nadia: Hey you with the pretty face, welcome to the human race… Wanna be my Valentine?
Nikita: Love to! . . . Although, I’m pretty sure there is someone who already expects me to be theirs.
Nadia: Haha. Oh well, people expect a lot of things.
It’s never over
My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It’s never over
All my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her
It’s never over
All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It’s never over
She’s a tear that hangs inside my soul forever
—Jeff Buckley (Lover, You Should’ve Come Over)
Broken Bits 
LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person