“I actually attack the concept of happiness. I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it [likely] is."
-Hugh Mackay
One of the most beautiful humans in my life shared this quote with me a few days ago. It IMMEDIATELY resonated with everything I believe but continues to be challenged by the world around me. There has never been a moment in my adult life where I would have chosen happiness over wholeness. Yet, the absence of happiness has felt so cruel at times–suffocating cruelty that eclipsed the beauty of blooming wisdom, integrity, and resilience.
I somehow bought into the fairytale that happiness alone is worth pursuing. In truth, I feel that I have experienced a disproportionate amount of happiness in my life. And although I’ve loved EVERY NANOSECOND, those seasons rarely produced significant maturation. It’s been during the hard times that I made genuine strides toward becoming the woman I desire to be.
In this second half of my life, I’m choosing to live with a deadbolt, unwavering gratitude that holds firm through the harshest of storms. I may not always be happy, but I will gratefully acknowledge every painful moment that contributes to my wholeness.
And since hard times facilitate wholeness, I’m possibly on my way to overflow after these past few months!
Broken Bits 