Do you all know how Jim Henson died? Ultimately, it was complications from pneumonia, yes. But his wife firmly believed the real reason that wonderful man is no longer with us is because he “didn’t want to be a bother.” According to his wife, his health began to deteriorate, and she wanted to take him to the hospital, but he looked at her, dying, and said, “No, I don’t want to be a bother.” Those who knew Henson have noted that as one of his common phrases. So, a man who had so much more to give departed this world so that he wouldn’t have to inconvenience anyone. Ain’t that a kick in the head?!
Yesterday, I saw a commercial that began with a man and a woman skydiving. His chute failed to open, and he began to freefall. The woman desperately attempted to reach him so that they could both go down safely, using her chute. But, he refused… He made ludicrous statements like, “No, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine” and “I don’t want to ruin your skydiving experience.” Of course, she didn’t care about any of that; she just wanted to make sure he survived.
Three days ago, I was struck with a pain that I’d never experienced before. My jaw, face, and neck hurt so badly that I couldn’t sleep – I could barely think! I literally felt as if some invisible force was stabbing me in my face. The next morning, the dentist told me that my wisdom tooth had crushed my molar and was now abscessed. It would need to be pulled ASAP. The cost being the same amount of money I make in a month (since neither of my jobs offers insurance.) I was already feeling completely buried by the obligations and stresses of my life; this was the last thing I needed to hear.
Then, one of my favorite humans in the world floated over to me with an outstretched hand and a working chute. I was saved. This was no longer an unfixable issue… How do you think I responded??? Well, I hate to admit it, but I reacted JUST like the guy in the commercial! I explained how I would be fine and even said that I didn’t want to get in the way of his experiences. And I’m sure he felt like the woman who couldn’t believe this man was choosing certain death over assistance
That commercial assaulted my soul. Knowing this character flaw was one thing, but seeing it played out in such a dramatic way, was another. I’m currently dealing with way more than it seems I can handle. I understand the complex details of my life and know that I need help. However, I don’t know how to allow myself to accept it. What’s really crazy is that I WANT HELP! I sincerely do! I just don’t want it to come at the expense of anyone else. “I don’t want to be a drain on the most important people in my life”… That’s my direct quote from our correspondence. How is this different from saying, “I don’t want to be a bother”?
Don’t feel bad about how frustrated you are with me right now; Sigh… I’m right there with you.
Broken Bits 
Once upon a time my sister, brother and I were trying to help our father and he would always refuse said help. Partly because he “knew better” about everything than we did. And partly because he couldn’t admit that he needed help. I often tried to tell him to just say “Thank you”when people wanted to help and that he would be doing them a favor by letting them feel good about helping. Nope, couldn’t do it. I have now reached a point in my life where I am offered “help” in many different ways. I try now to remember that sometimes l can help someone else by letting them help me. Just sayin’.
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What frustrates me is that THIS is the advice I would (and have) given someone else!
In the words of Doc Holiday, “My hypocrisy knows no bounds.”
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Yep. It’s a very hard thing to wrap your head around and then follow through.
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I so feel this. I hate feeling like such a bother right now! And yet I like to help those around me. I feel like it’s one of two personality types, eh? Either hating to be a bother, or seemingly expects (and receives) everything on a silver platter. And yet we strive for the middle…. Accepting the bounty of the universe, however it shows up, but being overwhelmingly grateful when it does! Constant lesson in my life. How can God work in mysterious ways if I always refuse it?
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Ugh… that last sentence wrecked me! And I know that I know you’re right. This is a broken bit that I got away with coddling for a very long time. But, it’s far more difficult when you have people in your life who truly care and make you a priority. I’m not just working on it, I am going to change.
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