Man… that was one challenging year! Possibly the first year of my life where I experienced more tears than laughter. I used to view New Year’s as a clean slate, a new sheet of paper to map out new plans and possibly create a new life. Well, in my “old age,” I no longer see things this way. On January first, my dad was taken into the ICU and intubated because he couldn’t breathe. Someone I considered a friend showed me just how little I mean to them. And my financial woes have oozed right into 2023. Obviously, my season of life didn’t change with the calendar – I was a fool ever to think it would. But I’m elated to see that my responses to those same ole situations have shifted as I’ve matured.

I didn’t show up at the hospital with a cape and pretend that I could possibly save the day; I explained the situation to my family and requested help. I didn’t allow my heart to be broken by a broken human or spend hours of every day wondering what I did wrong; instead, I realized that I can’t win ‘em all. I definitely have enough love in my life to passively watch someone exit, if they so choose. And I knew when I gave up being a chef that I’d take a devastating pay cut; however, I know that I know that I made the right decision every time I have a beautiful moment with the kiddos at work.

2022 didn’t make me happy. It didn’t make me happy, wealthy, well-traveled, thin, or any of the other goals I made at the end of 2021. However, the past year helped me become stronger, wiser, and more resilient. So, as this year begins, I can gleefully declare that I’m a little closer than I thought to solving the problem of me! Earlier this week, one of my favorite people told me, “Remember, the new Nikita can’t do everything herself.” Of course, I was grateful for the reminder, but for the first time in my life, I didn’t need it. I’d already taken several steps back and decided my limitations – not based on the needs of others but based on who I am and what I have to give.

Maya Angelou is quoted as saying, “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” I’ve struggled through half my life one-handed due to brokenness and a resulting savior complex. I can’t wait to see how life shifts as I allow myself to embrace my hard-won ambidexterity.