Friday, I finished a wonderful YA novel by Lisa Fipps called Starfish. It was about a young, overweight girl named Ellie who struggles through a life of almost constant verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse because of her weight. She had a list of what she called “Fat Girl Rules.” Things that she wasn’t allowed to do, had to make sure she always did, and allowed others to do, all because she was a “fat girl.”
Read moreA Day Late
I am not sure how, but I completely lost track of my days and failed to write my blog post yesterday! Not to make excuses, but my life is a bit out of whack these days. Although the school year is winding up, my responsibilities at work are only increasing (happily). I’m preparing to move across the country within the next month. I’m desperately searching for a second job in order to pay for said move. And I’m planning to start over in a state I’ve never even visited… it’s a lot!
Read moreMy Blue Mind
Blue Mind, a mildly meditative state characterized by calm, peacefulness, unity, and a sense of general happiness and satisfaction with life in the moment.
Wallace J. Nichols, Blue Mind: The Surprising Science That Shows How Being Near, In, On, or Under Water Can Make You Happier, Healthier, More Connected, and Better at What You Do
The ship seemed huge until all signs of land disappeared. I thought there’d be fear; instead, I was overwhelmed with wonder and sheer awe. I’d never seen anything like it; a limitless canvas of glimmering turquoise and crystal. Sunbeams danced on ripples, creating a kaleidoscope of light and color that made the water itself feel alive.
Read moreWhen the Little Things Aren’t So Little
I’ve been struggling with a terrible case of homesickness. I thought that seeing my loved ones would cure it, but it surprisingly made the ache greater. My trip home wasn’t nearly long enough, and there were so many people I didn’t get to see. Coming back to my isolated little cottage in a town that’s still in pandemic shut-down mode was a hard shift. I had a difficult time remembering why I was here at all instead “at home” with my people.
Read moreStill Quiet ~ Still Dead
Last Sunday was a crazy busy day. At 11:55 pm, I realized that I had five minutes to publish my post on time. Well, based on the many emotional health checks I received from friends and followers, I see now that I obviously needed more than five minutes to adequately articulate my sentiment. I shall explain…
For almost seven years, I’d clung to the comfort and relative safety provided by a certain gentleman. It began at a time when chronic emotional pain and bitter disappointment had become my daily standard. Blinded by the loss of all I’d held dear, I ignored my need for sustenance and willingly embraced pacification. Having no idea how to perform the surgical procedure my heart so desperately needed, narcotics were the next best thing.
Read moreThe Quiet Death
This week, I lost someone in a manner more unsettling than death. They simply slipped from my heart, leaving nothing but debris and a sickening residue of what once gave me joy.
If there’d been death, I could reconcile their absence – I could direct my pain and grief. However, I didn’t lose a person, I lost the placebo-effect of their “love”; the false sense of safety and empty pleasures.
I lost the part of myself that believed.
The Doors
“Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere.”
Paulo Coelho
I’ve been thinking a lot about walls and doors lately. Well, due to my relationships, I actually think about them quite often. Anyone who’s met me can attest that the entrance to my heart is opened wide to all who need shelter. Giant French doors that I’m not very good at leaving ajar, they’re either opened wide or closed shut. Actually, I’m not so great at closing them either. And apparently, I was absent the day life taught everyone how to build walls. I am an unfortified castle, perpetually vulnerable to attack from without and within… I think it’s time to call a contractor.
Read moreWay Beyond the Looking Glass
Beauty is as relative as light and dark. Thus, there exists no beautiful woman, none at all, because you are never certain that a still far more beautiful woman will not appear and completely shame the supposed beauty of the first.
Paul Klee
Relativism - the doctrine that truths exist in relation to culture, society, or historical context, and are not absolute.
Perspective - a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.
As I read the above quote from German artist Paul Klee, I believed it to be one of the most foolish statements ever published. And yet, without realizing it, his distorted views mirrored my own. I fail to see the possibility of my “beauty” because the physical attributes of others consistently put mine to shame. And therefore, in me, there existed no beauty, none at all. But we are not human cut-outs of the same mold, and beauty is intrinsic; it’s not to be sorted and ranked.
Read moreWhat A Difference A Year Makes
I want to preface this post by emphatically stating that I am in no way demeaning the toll that this year has taken on millions of people. I lost two uncles to Covid and understand the damage of loss that seems senseless. Not to mention the suffocating fear and uncertainty that plagued almost every facet of our lives. However, I have been indescribably uplifted by the positivity and hopefulness of the people in my life!
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Just Grateful
It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.
Germany Kent
The past two weeks have been quite stressful. My responsibilities at work doubled overnight, I began a new course in school that I have little interest in, and I’ve begun training for a 5K. It wasn’t a bad week, just stressful. Then I spent my Saturday prepping, baking, and delivering cakes. I woke up this Sunday morning with a great list of things to do: read, research, write a paper for class, write this blog, laundry, meal-prep for the week, cleaning, etc.
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Broken Bits 